When I was in 2nd grade, I started feeling I was an orphan. Ya, I had parents, biological parents, and I lived with them. In 3rd grade, I kept asking my young teen aged aunts, "Am I adopted?"
"No! Of course not. We saw you when you were born. You were so small." "Really?" I asked. "Yes!" was there reply. "If I am not adopted, how come I feel like an orphan?" They didn't know what to answer.
For years, I still thought I was adopted. I was wondering if adoption and being an orphan was a good thing or not, but many more years later, finding out that I really was my parents' child, I hoped that if only I was adopted by another family. That time, I learned that adoption was a good thing. I would even fantasize and stay in that fantasy because I felt safe with a real Mom and Dad.
Growing older and entering puberty, I thought, "God. Who is God? They say He's a Father and He loves me. What kind of Father is He?"
Ya, I received Jesus as my Lord and Savior, I think, in 4th Grade. Went to Sunday School and Bible Studies. Went to church! But I still don't know God.
As I grew older, slowly I began to know who God was. I began to want to know more about Him, more about the Bible. I finished reading the Bible, but I still didn't understand, "Who is God? Who am I?"
Years and years, I was blessed to have biological parents but didn't know God, but my biological father used to read to me Bible stories and pray with me before I went to sleep. Blessed to have "teachers" but failed to help me further understand God and the Bible. Years and years, I grew a longing for the orphans, I could feel their pain and abandonment. Later, I got to experience a true orphan, adopted by some of my friends. He's my favorite kid. I received only one hug from him since he was with us, and I longed to have that hug again. However, began to remember that I too was an orphan.
Now that I am a young adult. I have a Father. I can't see Him, but He sees me. He has been by my side when I was still a wee old. When I was hurt, He was just right there beside me. All those poems and letters I wrote with my little hands and soaked with my big tears, He was reading behind my shoulders. That time when I felt I was an orphan, God was already taking me into His arms, even before I "received Jesus into my life."
But because I can't hear my Father, I can't touch my Father, He sent two of His children to be my spiritual parents, who loved me, taught me His Word, moreover taught me about our Father and told me, "God is our Heavenly Father. God chose you to know Him. He calls you Beloved." It may have taken longer before God brought me my spiritual parents, maybe because He is teaching me more of Him and that people can fail even if they are His children. That He alone is the only Supreme Parent.
God the Father will not leave me nor forsake me, I have been His and I am His alone.
I thank God that He brought me my spiritual parents, but I still pray to God not to take my Mum and Dad, my spiritual parents away, and I pray that Mum and Dad will remain faithful to Him. I do fear that someday God will take away my Mum and Dad, "Father, don't let me have a fight with them and/or our relationship shattered. I'm sorry that sometimes I rely and long more for my Mum and Dad, and less of You. Just don't take them away. Pleease, Father. Still remind me that You alone are my Great Father. Forgive me of my fear, teach me, enable me to trust in you. Please take away my fear."
Tuesday, December 10, 2013
Quest for a Heart Diagnosis
I started having chest discomforts since 4th grade. But few days ago, we only played a party game of popping balloons. My heart rate shot up to 128 beats per minute. The pain location was where one could feel their heart beat. (My normal rested rate is 67 beats per minute.)
Just posting my expenses (most of my expenses this year are medical expenses):
Doctor's consultation fee: 400
2nd consultation fee: 400
ECG: 300
2D Echocardiogram: 2750
Blood Test: 2328
TOTAL: 6178
My current salary: 4180
Savings from salary: 1180
Planned expense til next salary: 3000
Savings withdrawn: 3520 + 1000 = 4520
Sad. But not worried. There's an inkling not to continue w/ this diagnosis, but better to know what's wrong with me now, before it's too late. I'm not worried for my health nor my wealth. I'm not seeing the doctor to give me peace of mind. With all these blessings laid out for me, even if it means taking away my savings, do I not have to thank God for these blessings: still able to pay for the expenses, good doctors, availability of tests, still able-bodied to visit the clinics/hospitals. I trust in my Father. He has given all these blessings for us to enjoy/use.
Can we not thank Him for these? He gave us a job. He gave us the ability to work. He gave us our salary for us to spend on our wants and needs, and share with others who don't have.
I thank God for all these.
Before my diagnosis, I pray the tests are enough for a diagnosis, so no more tests and expenses. I also pray that the diagnosis is well. But if the tests turn out not enough or the diagnosis is bad, I still praise God. After the diagnosis, I still want to praise Him and proclaim His name to people. I pray that I can serve God. If there be hindrances, I just trust God and still hope and pray that I can still proclaim His name.
Father, forgive me for my selfishness that sometimes I think highly of myself or better than others. Father, enable to think lowly of myself and that others are better than me, that their interests are better than me. Even if I think what they think is illogical or incomprehensible, enable me to trust in your reigning authority and assurance. Father, forgive me, teach me. Help me not to be selfish. In Jesus' name, Amen.
In praise, I can humble.
In sorrow, I can trust.
In others, I judge. :-(
Just posting my expenses (most of my expenses this year are medical expenses):
Doctor's consultation fee: 400
2nd consultation fee: 400
ECG: 300
2D Echocardiogram: 2750
Blood Test: 2328
TOTAL: 6178
My current salary: 4180
Savings from salary: 1180
Planned expense til next salary: 3000
Savings withdrawn: 3520 + 1000 = 4520
Sad. But not worried. There's an inkling not to continue w/ this diagnosis, but better to know what's wrong with me now, before it's too late. I'm not worried for my health nor my wealth. I'm not seeing the doctor to give me peace of mind. With all these blessings laid out for me, even if it means taking away my savings, do I not have to thank God for these blessings: still able to pay for the expenses, good doctors, availability of tests, still able-bodied to visit the clinics/hospitals. I trust in my Father. He has given all these blessings for us to enjoy/use.
Can we not thank Him for these? He gave us a job. He gave us the ability to work. He gave us our salary for us to spend on our wants and needs, and share with others who don't have.
I thank God for all these.
Before my diagnosis, I pray the tests are enough for a diagnosis, so no more tests and expenses. I also pray that the diagnosis is well. But if the tests turn out not enough or the diagnosis is bad, I still praise God. After the diagnosis, I still want to praise Him and proclaim His name to people. I pray that I can serve God. If there be hindrances, I just trust God and still hope and pray that I can still proclaim His name.
Father, forgive me for my selfishness that sometimes I think highly of myself or better than others. Father, enable to think lowly of myself and that others are better than me, that their interests are better than me. Even if I think what they think is illogical or incomprehensible, enable me to trust in your reigning authority and assurance. Father, forgive me, teach me. Help me not to be selfish. In Jesus' name, Amen.
In praise, I can humble.
In sorrow, I can trust.
In others, I judge. :-(
Saturday, December 7, 2013
10 Errors to Avoid When Talking about Sanctification and the Gospel
Error #1: The good we do can in some small way make us right with God.
Error #2: We must be good Christians so that God will keep loving us.
Error #3: If sanctification is a work of divine grace in our lives, then it must not involve our effort.
Error #4: Warning people of judgment is law and has no part to play in preaching the gospel.
Error #5: There is only one reason Christians should pursue sanctification and that's because of our justification.
Error #6: Since we cannot obey God's commandments perfectly, we should not insist on obedience from ourselves or from others.
Error #7: The Ten Commandments should be preached in order to remind us of our sin, but not so that believers may be stirred up to try to obey the commandments.
Error #8: Being fully justified as Christians, we should never fear displeasing God or offending him.
Error #9: The only proper ground for assurance is in the promises of God found in the gospel.
Error #10: Threats and exhortations belong to the terrors of the law and are not to be used as a motivation unto holiness.
Source: http://thegospelcoalition.org/blogs/kevindeyoung/2013/11/05/10-errors-to-avoid-when-talking-about-sanctification-and-the-gospel/
Error #2: We must be good Christians so that God will keep loving us.
Error #3: If sanctification is a work of divine grace in our lives, then it must not involve our effort.
Error #4: Warning people of judgment is law and has no part to play in preaching the gospel.
Error #5: There is only one reason Christians should pursue sanctification and that's because of our justification.
Error #6: Since we cannot obey God's commandments perfectly, we should not insist on obedience from ourselves or from others.
Error #7: The Ten Commandments should be preached in order to remind us of our sin, but not so that believers may be stirred up to try to obey the commandments.
Error #8: Being fully justified as Christians, we should never fear displeasing God or offending him.
Error #9: The only proper ground for assurance is in the promises of God found in the gospel.
Error #10: Threats and exhortations belong to the terrors of the law and are not to be used as a motivation unto holiness.
Source: http://thegospelcoalition.org/blogs/kevindeyoung/2013/11/05/10-errors-to-avoid-when-talking-about-sanctification-and-the-gospel/
All Human Authority is Appointed by God
Appreciate that though grownups (our elders) tell us things against what we think is right, even when it's illogical and incomprehensible, God still appointed them on our behalf. God's assurance is that He is working behind-the-scenes. Maybe God is showing us something better than what we think is right. God is in control of everything.
Reflection on Deuteronomy & Thanksgiving for Dec7'13
Reflection: It's Christmas. It's the end of the year. Time to look back and remember what God has done, His faithfulness, His holiness, His reigning AUTHORity, and what we did, our good & our bad, our need for a Savior. And a reminder of Christ's coming just as the OT people looking forward to the coming Messiah.
Thanksgiving:
- Working w/ fellow Christians from other churches and different ministries.
- Spiritual family. Found in the WWW (Whole Wide World). Though not present in the flesh, but present in spirit with one goal & one desire: To glorify the One True God. Supplementing one another with love cos God first Loved us.
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