I'm in a struggle. It's hard to succeed with something when you have a lack of skills and abilities, especially those skills/abilities are those that are meant to be part of a person's growth and development, such as knowing how to plan, schedule, and organize tasks, living independently--knowing how to cook or take care of oneself, etcetera. It's also hard to find references for resume and/or for application for further studies when you have less friends or trusted companions.
I have even thought if I can move out from my parents' house, I can force myself to learn the things I need to learn to live independently, but I can't afford rent and my daily expenses.
It's easy to understand that I do not belong in this world because I don't find where I can belong in society or even the working world. However, if I am to be a light and salt to this world, don't I have to learn the things that a human-in-this-world have to be?
I'm looking into my needs. Guilty for I am not looking to God for my needs. It's just really very hard when I find no help or no one to even help me. Help is also expensive. Salary is too low to even help me with that. And working is so hard because of my inabilities. Who can help me? God, who? God, PLEASE help me.
I am so discouraged that I can't achieve what I want to achieve because I am unable to even reach beyond my inabilities.
Being left behind in the "normal growth and development" also makes me lonely.
Father, enable me to trust in you in my inabilities and uncertainties.
