Crying for Help in Everyday (about work/meeting & hunger for the gospel)

Father,

I'll be having a meeting with my boss later to discuss for plans to improve our business image. Father, I may need your help in speaking, just as you helped me the first time I taught in class as part of our practice teaching. Father, I acknowledge that teaching is your gift to me. You know I have trouble communicating but you become my voice, you know the words to say. Father, help me speak just as you helped Moses.

But Moses said to the Lord, "Oh my Lord, I am not eloquent, either in the past or since you have spoken to your servant, but I am slow of speech and of tongue." Then the Lord said to him "Who has made man's mouth? Who makes him mute, or deaf, or seeing, or blind? Is it not I , the Lord? Now therefore go, and I will be with your mouth and teach you what you shall speak." - Exodus 4:10-12

Father, I also realize that if I hunger for the gospel now, how much more in the years to come, how much more if I'd be in the mission field, how much more if I'd be in the ministry, busy doing work for church or for others' spiritual growth. Father, I need you here with me. I am still fragile, protect me from the enemy's snare and stronghold over my thoughts.

Father, you are to be most glorified for you are my Father, my Creator, my Redeemer. Father, you are all I want. I want you and nothing else. Keep me strong for I weak. I can't imagine to have not known you. I want you to be glorified in me, but I am a sinner, there is nothing good in me. I fail you all the time. People see my flaws. Father, how can I be blameless? Father, help me. Amen.

Not Imagining To Do This Job Forever

Father,

I am not imagining myself to do this job forever. Father, I am alone. Help me.
Today, work is okay. Me? Well, down or a downer.

Father, I wish Mamu read my emails so she can evaluate my answers to her questions especially the explaining what "live is Christ, die is gain" mean, and answer about what calling to ministry actually mean.

Father, to pray that you won't take my struggles away is hard, but please always remind me why I have these struggles. Father, please don't make me feel lonely and be left alone. Please.

Discontent over Present Circumstances

Father, forgive me I am not content in my work, being unfulfilled, bored, and I really don't know what I am doing. Father, I'm being close-minded with my own wants. Forgive me also that I am not content living with my parents. I don't have enough salary to have my own place. If I can have my own place, I no longer have savings to save, I'm not even sure if my salary can also fit for my own needs. Father, I feel imprisoned.

I want more time to study and do my assignments. I want more time to be with people. I just want to be free.

Father forgive me I fail to be content with you and complaining about these things. You have everything I don't have. You can provide for all my needs. Father, save me. Save me from my boring, unfulfilling, low-salary job. Save me from living in my parents' house. Save me from being alone. Father, please save me.

I trust you can change my present situation, but why do I still have to stay here like this? Father, please, I can't take it any longer. Help me. Give me strength. Father, please. Abba!!

We Won't Be Shaken (Prayer for Forgiveness)

Father, forgive me of my lack of trust in you in times of overwhelm and weary of the woes present to me.
May I remember who I am in Christ.
May I remember your kingdom.
Father, may your kingdom come, your will be done on earth as it is in heaven.
Give me this day as my day of rest and reflection in you. Catch up my study of your Word.
Forgive me, Father, and help me forgive my family, my church, and the torment of my boring work.
I pray and thank you for the opportunities that you provide at work, so I can learn and remember your grace and mercy. And remember why I am where I am. Teach me to worship you at work. Help me to make you known at work, at home, and at church.
Create in me a pure heart and renew a right spirit within me.
Father, set me an example in faith, in speech, in love, and in purity.
I am not my own. I don't own my thoughts and my mind and my heart. I don't own anything that is present in me. I am yours. You own me. Father, help me.
Father, yours is your kingdom, your power, your glory.
Forever and ever. Amen.

Church Woes

Highly draining. Emotionally stressful.

Who else can understand? Who else can I share when I have to keep quiet just to maintain the peace and unity of the church and also to protect myself from accused of protesting against a church?

It's hard to flow with the church crowd, esp when the crowd is going to a different direction. I am in a difficult situation because I am a member of the church and I still commit myself for the reformation of the church, even by means of merely praying and be a catalyst of encouragement.

The truth shall set you free? I am free indeed when I am getting to know more about God's Word, but knowing the truth about our church, it is binding and I am feeling the woes.

Does God still love this church? I decide to stay because God still loves this church, but it can get worse if the church keeps on shoving Christ to the sidelines and pay attention only with the "relationship" and goodness deeds in the church. Does God still love this church? If God has taken his love for this church, then it is time for me to leave.

Another thing that I can't leave this church is that I'm still using its benefits. The books, the minds or "wisdom" of the pastors, the church activities which I can enjoy practicing my gratitude to God, the support when there's a need. Like I said, it is binding.