One & Only, Alone & Lonely

I may just be one & only, alone & lonely. Most times I feel so left out from this world that I don't feel very much loved. But I read this story from Tullian Tchividjian, Failure And One Way Love, and I am reminded.

Just a short thing to say and record this in this blog: There's no same love as the love God loves me. He never stops preserving me. Even when I don't know why I'm still here until now, but God still preserves me.

Needs versus God

I'm in a struggle. It's hard to succeed with something when you have a lack of skills and abilities, especially
those skills/abilities are those that are meant to be part of a person's growth and development, such as knowing how to plan, schedule, and organize tasks, living independently--knowing how to cook or take care of oneself, etcetera. It's also hard to find references for resume and/or for application for further studies when you have less friends or trusted companions.

I have even thought if I can move out from my parents' house, I can force myself to learn the things I need to learn to live independently, but I can't afford rent and my daily expenses.

It's easy to understand that I do not belong in this world because I don't find where I can belong in society or even the working world. However, if I am to be a light and salt to this world, don't I have to learn the things that a human-in-this-world have to be?

I'm looking into my needs. Guilty for I am not looking to God for my needs. It's just really very hard when I find no help or no one to even help me. Help is also expensive. Salary is too low to even help me with that. And working is so hard because of my inabilities. Who can help me? God, who? God, PLEASE help me.

I am so discouraged that I can't achieve what I want to achieve because I am unable to even reach beyond my inabilities.

Being left behind in the "normal growth and development" also makes me lonely.

Father, enable me to trust in you in my inabilities and uncertainties.

War in the Philippines (part 3) - Lots of Thanks

I'm not sure if this is part 3. However, we are just waiting for confirmation of the LST vessel to carry the goods and set sail straight to Zamboanga.

"Not to us, Lord, not to us, but to your name give glory, for the sake of your steadfast love and your faithfulness!" Psalm 115:1

Indeed, God is greatly to be praised amidst all these blessings, relief, and providence he has provided us. I thank for my biological father for providing his connection to help us with the transfer of the goods. I thank my officemate for her help and connection with TV networks. I thank for the lady who is incharge of the goods. I thank for my spiritual parents for their love and patience to teach me and disciple me. I thank also for my biological parents for having me. I thank for all those willing hearts in-and-out of Zamboanga helping out for the hungry and needy. Moroever, I thank God for his enablement.

I have faced many temptations, and I thank God for his deliverance. Temptation of pride, fear and anxiety, temptation of taking things into my own without acknowledging God, and the temptation to be forgetting God because of being so high and receiving so many praises.

May I stay focused and humbled when God provides me opportunities to help others, glorify Him, and display His wonders. Even when it looks hard or something that I wouldn't approve of, may God sustain me and forgive me when I fail him. I am just a fellow servant to God.

War in the Philippines (part 2)

After my mourning (slash) worry struggle for the chaos around the world (not just South Philippines), I circulated a letter with permission from a friend in the war zone. She was asking for help and support in cash or kind to provide relief for fellow evacuees. A parachurch foundation read the letter and was willing to provide for them.

The next day, my friend begged for help on how to transport the goods from Manila to Zamboanga via Cagayan de Oro. It was hard trying to find a way on how to transfer the goods. I called my parents for their military connection but they said the military had their hands full already. Then they said, also an officemate said, that we contact a TV network's foundation for help and advice.

Two days later, that's today (3rd day) as I am writing this, I'm still waiting to have a talk with the TV network's foundation. I have other ways in mind, but I have to wait for this meeting. If this meeting wouldn't be successful, then I can go out and ask for help from mission orgs and my church for help to transport the goods via land. Land transfer (8-12hrs travel from CDO to Zambo) is hard especially that rebels can block the truck and loot the goods. We hope to have the transfer by air.

Leaving details aside, how am I? Scared and overwhelmed. This responsibility is also my first time. The only ability I can do is imagine ways, find ideas, and connect with key contacts. I felt feverish and overwhelmed the first day I took this responsibility; I felt hot and getting a headache. Maybe I was just super-excited. Yester-night, I was feeling the fear that this might not happen. This morning, right when I woke up, I felt I might get embarrassed if this wouldn't happen. Even that whenever I hear anything that booms, I get traumatized suddenly though I'm not in the war field.

I also faced a temptation of pride, but I will to humble myself for I am just a servant of God. Both in high or low times, true Christians will be faced any kind of temptation.

I keep praying to trust in God and rely on Him for He is bigger than this event. I keep reminding myself the God is in control, my King is in control, He knows what is happening. I also rebuke myself that anxiety dishonors God. I will just continue to thank God, trust and rely on Him, things happen in his control. Him only is constant than the events we face in life. I even ask help for God to guard my thoughts and my heart from entertaining sin. God forgive me.

I take this responsibility because I want to help and to bring glory to God. It is my pleasure and gratitude that I am a child of God and a fellow servant to King Jesus.

My Father in heaven, hallowed be your name, your kingdom come, your will be done on earth as it in heaven. Give us this day, relief and providence for this responsibility for our Zambo fellowmen and siblings in Christ. Forgive me for dishonoring you with my fear and anxiety. Lead me not into temptation of pride and anxiety and self-centeredness, protect me from the evil one, guard my mind and heart. For yours alone is your kingdom, you power and your glory. May your work be displayed in this present time. In Jesus' name I pray, AMEN.

War in the Philippines (part 1)

Specifically in Zamboanga City, Philippines.

I just saw a video of the situation and heard gunshots. I remembered I told my mentor who asked me if I'd be on a mission field, would I be ready of what would happen?

I thought, "Meaning gunshots? Yes, I'm ready."

But hearing those gunshots on video, I could imagine myself curling by the corner and covering my ears. I did think too that if I'm in my comfort zone, I'd probably close my ears and hide in fear, but if I'm NOT in my comfort zone and no one to rely on, I could stand guard and help others. However, I may not know what my reaction would be, I might be just stunned.

So I'm sorry, I humble myself, for saying that courageous, idealistic thought that I can stand guard. Now I know better. I'm a coward. But....

"Behold, the Lord GOD comes with might, and his arm rules for him; behold, his reward is with him, and his recompense before him." Isaiah 40:10

Please pray for Zamboanga, Syria, Egypt, and the all over the world. Pray that Christians take heart in these heartbreaking circumstances and they remember whom they belong: What is your only comfort in life and death? Jesus Christ.

Receiving Grace and My Occupation For Free

"[Jesus Christ our Lord,] through whom we have received grace and    enter occupation    to bring about the obedience of faith for the sake of his name..." Romans 1:5

As I was listening to a sermon of John Piper from the series of Romans: By His Grace, for His Name, Through the Obedience of Faith, struggling with glorifying God in my current multimedia job, I started to see Romans 1:5 differently: Receiving grace AND my occupation, which is multimedia/computers, to bring about the obedience of faith for the sake of Christ.

It means that as I received God's grace for free through Jesus Christ and not from my works/deeds, I also received my job without working for it. I mean I did work for it like job searching and talking to the boss asking for vacancy. What I mean there "without working for it" is: God gave me this job because of his grace and not my own doing. By grace, God gave me this job with a higher than minimum wage, a job position with a supervisory power in it, a job that most days I did nothing because I had no work to do yet I was still paid. All this I didn't and still don't deserve yet God gave it to me. I have this job to grow in obedience to God, to grow in Christ-like character, to learn holiness, to learn a very lot of things. I have this job for the sake of Christ's name.

And I am guilty for complaining, for being discontented, for having less joy in this blessing God gave me, and for dishonoring God. Thence, I am humbled and I confess....and very sorry.

However, Romans 1:5 didn't end "for the sake of his name", rather "for the sake of his name among all nations." Now I wonder, how can my multimedia job be for among all nations?

"Ministry is usually towards other[s]." -spiritual mom/mentor/discipler

I still wonder what my ministry is. If my job is my ministry, how do people benefit from it?

• First, I obey and submit to my superiors who would instruct me of a task to do.
• Second, when I submit a design to the printers to print, they earn from us, and when they earn, the workers get their salary and are able to feed their families.
• Third, when we advertise using my streamer or facebook, people would be informed of our exhibits/promos/discounts/new products/location, and they would be satisfied for serving them.
• Fourth, when the store sells, we get our earnings as well or put up new branches.

So that's my ministry, I guess: (1) to submit to my authority, (2) others earned a salary, (3) satisfied people, and (4) our employees earn.

I guess that's my ministry.

Going back..... I got this job for Christ's sake and for among all nations. How can this job be for all nations? Nonetheless, my office mates are part of a nation, and this nation is part of all nations.