The original title is "Walking Thru The Bible" with a URL of walkthrubible.blogspot.com. As the title had said, the original purpose of this blog was to journal what I could learn as I study the Bible on my own.
However, I hadn't started writing and doing what I first planned. So, I changed the title to "Lone Ranger Christian" with a URL of loneranger29.blogspot.com. I got that name as I was talking to the author of Grace Online Library through his Youtube video - Thoughts on Young Calvinists / Young Restless & Reformed. You could find our conversation in the earlier comments where the author mentioned the three words "Lone Ranger Christian".
I, personally and honestly, disagree to be a lone ranger Christian. Yet, the purpose of this website is to journal my journey as I rest from my home church, catch up with my readings, try to study the Bible alone on my own (not really a good idea!), enroll with the Gordon-Conwell Theological Seminary Free Online Theological Education Program, visit/observe/(probably) join the ministries/etc some churches in my city, and really widen the vision and perspective about Christianity because my (narrow) focus is only home church, home church, home church.
I also need this rest because I may not be able to do the things I have mentioned two paragraphs ago. I choose Sunday to do these. I need Sunday. Because from Monday to Saturday, I have barely a nice, great time alone just to sit down and do these things. I also wish to separate myself from people. Based from my experience with my friend and Big Sister, I am scared to have deeper relationships because when trust is broken, it hurts pretty bad, and trusting again is hard especially getting hurt and neglected again many times.
This act and decision of mine can be a disobedient, disbelieving, unforgiving, and an unrepentant behavior, and I am sorry, yet I really wish to rest and subtract the stresses that I am having. I wish to de-stress. I know I am breaking the commandment on brotherly love, yet, my plan, I need to stay away for awhile. This is also hard because I am welcoming pride and selfishness, and taking things in my control. I am really famished.
I would relate myself with this verse:
Revelation 2:2-4 (ESV)
"I know your works, your toil and your patient endurance, and how you cannot bear with those who are evil, but have tested those who call themselves apostles and are not, and found them to be false. I know you are enduring patiently and bearing up for my name's sake, and you have not grown weary. But I have this against you, that you have abandoned the love you had at first. (brotherly love)
I am sorry, God.
Also, I pray, though staying can be glorifying God more because in suffering, I am staying and enduring...I pray that God may still be glorified as I go out and spread my wings. Search why do I battle between leaving from God's call for full-time ministry and staying to learn and be equipped for the ministry. I mean, "Why am I doing this (full-time) thing? Where's the support...I am all alone? Why do I have to face so many things alone when I am praying for companionship, accountability, teaching, and guidance from a mentor? Why God and others, why can't it be easily just God and me? What the point of all this?"May I learn well. May I have my passion back. May things go well someday.
May I also get a great job. I want to be independent from everyone badly.
I have to sleep now. I am sleepy. I am not sure how this post has gone. I could be messing it up with my sleepiness.
Good night.
