Pre-Christmas Exaltation for Work

SCRIPTURE

11 For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his steadfast love toward those who fear him; 

12 as far as the east is from the west, so far does he remove our transgressions from us. 

13 As a father shows compassion to his children, so the LORD shows compassion to those who fear him. 

14 For he knows our frame; he remembers that we are dust. 

15 As for man, his days are like grass; he flourishes like a flower of the field; 

16 for the wind passes over it, and it is gone, and its place knows it no more. 

17 But the steadfast love of the LORD is from everlasting to everlasting on those who fear him, and his righteousness to children's children, 

18 to those who keep his covenant and remember to do his commandments. 

19 The LORD has established his throne in the heavens, and his kingdom rules over all. ~ Psalm 103:11-19 (ESV)

REFLECTION

As we prepare ourselves and check our hearts and minds this Christmas, may we not forget the true meaning of Christmas: is for Christ to be crucified on the cross as a payment for the penalty of our sins.

Our disobedience, our wrongdoings, our mistakes are to be paid only in our death and destination to hell. For the wages of sin is death.

But the gift of God is eternal life which is in Christ, the Son of God, perfect and without fault, came to take our punishment as a lamb sacrificed to permanently cleanse sins. The blood of a lamb poured as a sign to those who believe in Christ and condemn their old sinful dirty faulty life.

A sign to seal that the believer is justified before God the Father through Christ the Son alone, by faith alone, by grace alone. And I warn everyone that Christ will come again to judge us guilty or not and take those who believed and obeyed to be with Him and the Father for eternity. These have happened and will happen, all for the Glory of God alone.

PRAYER

Our Father in heaven

Holy be your name

May your kingdom come

May your will be done on earth as it is in heaven

Give us today and the rest of the week as a remembrance of the real and true meaning of Christmas.

Father, we pray. Enable us to work not for our own gain or to please others, but to work all for your glory. Father bless us, bless our work, bless this company. May we bring all glory back to you.

Father, we pray also. Enable us to know you more and know your Word more.

We pray, Father, that may we lay our pain and sorrows, joy and excitement to you.

Father, forgive us for there is nothing good in us, not even a tiny bit. Enable us also to pray for our enemies, to forgive them, and to love them the way you love us though we are sinners and unworthy to be in your holy presence for we are not holy.

Father, I am not worthy to pray this prayer for I am a sinner but thank you for letting me know who you are.

Father, thank you for sending your Son, Jesus Christ to die on the cross to take our place, our punishment. And also, so that we can have a close intimate relationship with you as our Father and as your adopted children. Father, we await for Christ's second coming and to be with you forever.

For yours is your kingdom, your power, your glory

Forever and ever. Amen. Amen. And Amen.

Why Jesus Came (John Piper, Good News of Great Joy Daily Readings for Advent 12.12.12)

Oh how great it is to know why Jesus came to earth, and what the true meaning of Christmas is.
I dread Christmas because of the seasonal blues and loneliness Christmas can bring to me, but now my dread has become an excitement.
Thank you, dear God for the Advent Season.

Since therefore the children share in flesh and blood, he himself likewise partook of the same things, that through death he might destroy the one who has the power of death, that is, the devil, and deliver all those who through fear of death were subject to lifelong slavery.
—Hebrews 2:14–15

Hebrews 2:14–15 is worth more than two minutes in an Advent devotional. These verses connect the beginning and the end of Jesus’s earthly life. They make clear why he came. They would be great to use with an unbelieving friend or family member to take them step by step through your Christian view of Christmas.It might go something like this…

“Since therefore the children share in flesh and blood…”

The term “children” is taken from the previous verse and refers to the spiritual offspring of Christ, the Messiah (see Isaiah 8:18; 53:10). These are also the “children of God.” In other words, in sending Christ, God has the salvation of his “children" specially in view. It is true that “God so loved the world, that he sent [Jesus] (John 3:16).” But it is also true that God was especially “gathering the children of God who are scattered abroad” (John 11:52). God’s design was to offer Christ to the world, and to effect the salvation of his “children” (see 1 Timothy 4:10). You may experience adoption by receiving Christ (John 1:12).

“…he himself likewise partook of the same things [flesh and
blood]…”

Christ existed before the incarnation. He was spirit. He was the eternal Word. He was with God and was God (John 1:1; Colossians 2:9). But he took on flesh and blood and clothed his deity with humanity. He became fully man and remained fully God. It is a great mystery in many ways. But it is at the heart of our faith and is what the Bible teaches.

“…that through death…”

The reason Jesus became man was to die. As God, he could not die for sinners. But as man he could. His aim was to die. Therefore he had to be born human. He was born to die. Good Friday is the reason for Christmas. This is what needs to be said today about the meaning of Christmas.

“…he might destroy the one who has the power of death, that is, the devil…”

In dying, Christ de-fanged the devil. How? By covering all our sin. This means that Satan has no legitimate grounds to accuse us before God. “Who shall bring any charge against God’s elect? It is God who justifies” (Romans 8:33). On what grounds does he justify? Through the blood of Jesus (Romans 5:9).

Satan’s ultimate weapon against us is our own sin. If the death of Jesus takes it away, the chief weapon of the devil is taken out of his hand. He cannot make a case for our death penalty, because the Judge has acquitted us by the death of his Son!

“…and deliver all those who through fear of death were subject to lifelong slavery.”

So we are free from the fear of death. God has justified us. Satan cannot overturn that decree. And God means for our ultimate safety to have an immediate effect on our lives. He means for the happy ending to take away the slavery and fear of the now. If we do not need to fear our last and greatest enemy, death, then we do not need to fear anything. We can be free: free for joy, free for others.

What a great Christmas present from God to us! And from us to the world!

http://www.desiringgod.org/blog/posts/good-news-of-great-joy-free-advent-ebook

Max Lucado (Beliefs)

How are your beliefs changing? Growing or dissolving? Maturing or disintegrating? Hang on to the elements in your life that promote growth. Cut off activities and relationships that cause you to sin and replace them with ones that help you grow. ~Max Lucado

Discipleship Training

During my first assignment, I looked back and asked (I even want to ask those from the past...including those that ended painfully),

"How have they shown God to me?"

From my observations of people, there are two kinds of them.

One who would say "Just read the Bible and God will teach you." (People who said they didn't have mentors yet blessed for they have learned.)

Another who would say "Find a mentor. Find someone who can properly guide and understand you." (People who are blessed to have mentors and learned from them and their example.)

This is also in connection to my remembering which I shared to you:

"This is one of those times when I look back and remember what God has done in my life.... I thank God for a very lot. I cannot help but drop tears from my eyes right now for how much God is great."

I titled that "Transitions in Life.....Testimony".

In most of the transitions in my life, God sends people to help, love, nurture, and care. I am beginning to understand that in every new chapter of my life story, God sends people. When I was smaller, I knew there was something or someone watching over me. Though most times I would turn away from that something/someone, but I still return. Only lately (last year maybe), words that I hadn't described God before, "God preserved me." He has been preserving me. I don't know why. At times when I didn't want to exist, there is still that something that I need to yet stay on this earth.

Anyway.....also...I came across the verses 1 Peter 2:2-3, "2 As newborn babies want milk, you should want the pure and simple teaching. By it you can mature in your salvation, 3 because you have already examined and seen how good the Lord is. NCV"

I've met verse 2 all the time, but only now I see:

I've been a "Christian" for a long time but doubted my salvation. I would even be categorized as an old Christian, even told that I "don't need to be taught Bible stories anymore" because I'm "no longer a baby [Christian]" for I "have been in Sunday Schools and went to a Christian school unlike __(name)__." However, I still SO MUCH "want to be taught of the Bible" (those have always been my words). Yet, how painful it is to be denied to be taught of the Bible when it's a simple request "because I want to know God; I want God". Still, no "just read the Bible and God will teach you" or "you're old already" could stop me from wanting "to be taught of the Bible".

Though an old "Christian", only have I known God so much and His Word recently.

After that verse, I checked commentaries (biblegateway.com):

From Matthew Henry's Commentary --
"Strong desires and affections to the word of God are a sure evidence of a person’s being born again. If they be such desires as the babe has for the milk, they prove that the person is new-born. They are the lowest evidence, but yet they are certain."

As much as I want to acknowledge --- Soli Deo Gloria

If without God's givens, no matter how long it took me, would my cravings & yearnings "to be taught of the Bible" be met?

If without that one-on-one Bible Study, would I be able to read the Bible now as joyous and glad? Even the known hardest part of the Bible (Pentateuch), I am reading it with less difficulty and never finding boredom. People disliked Leviticus, but I could now read it without the thought of skipping it.

If without the reminder and made the words "God loves you" & "God chose you" real to me by letting me hear those words rather than by reading it from a book, would I have known God more personally? The first time I heard "God loves you" was 4yrs ago but no longer hearing those words a year later. When I heard those three words, I felt God touching my heart. And I longed for that. And when I heard "God chose you" for the first time, here's my thought "God, I await for your coming."

The more I am knowing God personally, the more I want to share Him to people, the more I want to learn to teach and lead others.

Though there are years wasted by wrong guidance (because I didn't know), God still has preserved me,  and it could be that the time has not yet come for me.

I thank God for the experiences...for now, I have known better.

I am still the same sinner...yet I thank God for His love and discipline molding me to become better each day. I still can make mistakes but I thank God for making me aware and I have to remember to "repent and not do it again". However, asking apologies from other people still cowers me.

"Today you have learned, Tomorrow you will be wiser." 

It may be a "turn off" from the first kind of people that I have mentors and I depend on them for my growth.......well, there are two of these kinds of people: one who are like them, one who are like me. And we're both blessed the same but in different ways.

Crave Pure Spiritual Milk

2 As newborn babies want milk, you should want the pure and simple teaching. By it you can mature in your salvation, 3 because you have already examined and seen how good the Lord is. (1 Pet 2:2-3)

It may have been that I am Christian for a very long time. I grew up in a "Christian" home. My father was the son of a reverend pastor. I had been told of the Bible stories, went to Sunday School, went to a Christian school, and went to church almost everyday during my late youth years.

I am now in my prime youth years. I have just entered the professional and adulthood chapter of my life.

I am a Christian for so long, but only this year have I been taught the Bible well and have known God more.

Has been for a very long time have I craved to learn the Bible, have I craved to know God and His Word.

From Matthew Henry's Commentary about the passage above:
"Strong desires and affections to the word of God are a sure evidence of a person’s being born again. If they be such desires as the babe has for the milk, they prove that the person is new-born. They are the lowest evidence, but yet they are certain."

I thank God for making himself known to me though the many years that I turn my back on Him and rebel....looking for Him in the wrong places and wrong people. However, though I do not know these places or people are the wrong ones, I still have learned though painful.

Transitions in Life...Testimony

This is one of those times when I look back and remember what God has done in my life.

God brought people to me, in every transition of my life, to help me grow, to nurture, and to teach me. However, when another transition in life comes, my relationship with these people would end unpleasantly. From giving up to misunderstanding to conflict.

1. The transition to enter teen years, it was 1 year, but I learned who Christ was.
2. The transition in college and graduating college, 3 years, I experienced the love and care of someone. Being nurtured. Allowed to be open. Guided to find my identity. Learned life skills. Experienced to have a surrogate mother and a church mother. However, she failed to teach me the Bible which was my ultimate request. Furthermore, I learned who God was and that God loves me.
3. The transition to unemployment and a neglect from my church mother, a very short 6 months, my first spiritual dad. I was all sorrowed from the pain, neglect, and denial from my church mother for it ended with a very wrong evaluation which resulted to sending me to a psychologist. This spiritual dad taught my Romans and introduced me the Heidelberg Catechism. He also helped me as I recovered from being a flood victim. I learned and have experienced more of God's love and grace. He mentored me. As my spirit grew, so was my emotional development also grew with my spiritual development. And I have known that my church mother was not theologically equipped and cannot really teach me the Bible.
4. The transition to finding a job and womanhood, ONGOING, my spiritual father left to be close to his family and ailing father, and I found my spiritual Mamu. She visited my church and city for internship from her seminary; that's when I met her. Though she is far away, I get to email and text her, and she would call me before sleeping when necessary. I am learning to read and study the Bible by myself, thankful for the one-on-one Bible Study I had when my spiritual father was here. I still update my spiritual dad from time to time because he is now busy as he is teaching in a school, and could no longer reply to my emails. So, at these times, I am learning to rely more on God, learning to look up to God as my Father. I have not even thought that my spiritual father was introducing me to the Reformed Theology. I only told him I wanted to learn Romans. I never thought I could learn this much from Romans, despite that my spiritual father and I have not finished studying Romans together. I am reading books more and finding the passion to read and learn more of the Bible as I read and discover.

The list doesn't stop there.

I would never know if my new spiritual mom would give up, leave, and break me until it comes but I pray it would not happen again. I would never know who God would send to teach me in another transition in life until I reach it.

I thank God for his wonder. Though there are times I wanted to give up, even when I still small, I wanted not to live. Yes, my parents may have not neglected my needs and shelter but they have failed to help me grow emotionally secure. I thank God that all my years, He preserved me. When I was lonely, God was there with me. I didn't know him much then, but now, I thank God for allowing him to know him more and more each day. I thank God for His love and the love my spiritual parents, the love of his family, the love of other people, the love of friends, the love of my parents though I fail to feel their love. I thank God for a very lot. I cannot help but drop tears from my eyes right now for how much God is so great. Though a sinner, I am still accountable of my actions, yet God still preserves me. Two words, "thank you", doesn't seem to be enough to praise God but still THANK YOU GOD.

A Christian who Mourns?

Is she really mourning or just sad and in self-pity?

She wanders around looking for comfort. The comfort she had before is gone. She got angry and now she is in a loss. Every one seems to be moving on and seems to be changing. Even enemies are meeting each other again like nothing happened. Has she forgiven? She thinks she has, but she no longer trusts, believe, and love the way she loved....her human sacrificial way of love. She is also confused with the Christlike love and the love she once had. She does know she doesn't love anymore. She is alone and hurting.

She wanders around looking for help in understanding the Bible, to answer her questions. However, people doesn't seem to find her questions simple. She wonders, have they given up answering her questions because they are hard or they are just busy. So many questions, she only wants to know Truth, is that not too hard to understand. She is alone and hurting.

She wanders, how come God allows this but still punishes people, as she reads the Old Testament. She really wants to know God and His Word, but she is alone and hurting.

She is gloomy. She is alone and hurting.

She does mourn that she has her shortcomings and iniquities. She does want to be what God commands her to be, to be holy and righteous, to be joyful, yet she is alone and hurting.

Why is she so sad?

She is alone and hurting.

Numbers 26-27 (Every one needs a shepherd)

God is faithful. He did not completely wipe out Israel because of its obedience. God would not burn us all because, though He is a God of Wrath and Judgment, He is also a God of Mercy. God cannot turn His back from His people. God is true to His Word that He will never leave us nor forsake. However, God still has to punish sins, we as His people has to accept God's discipline for God's discipline is for our good.

Moses was about to expire before Israel entered the Promised Land. Moses hoped for someone who could lead the people as he left, God was upon Joshua and chose Joshua to lead the people. Joshua was one of the twelve spies who brought faith to the people that the land promised to them was good. He trusted God despite the fear of Israel.

God also could not allow His people to be without a shepherd. We, like sheep, are dumb. We do not know what we do. We need teachers to help us. God sent Jesus Christ to teach us. God sent Jesus to show us the Way, the Truth, and the Life, that whoever comes to the Father must come through Christ. However, Christ ascended to heaven. Christ brought the Holy Spirit to guide us. However, God cannot just make us into individual persons because God is a relational God. He wants us to have relationships and to be interdependent with others. He brought us to the Spirit of Sonship. He brought us to the body of Christ. He brought us to His Family. We cannot learn things on our own, we need mature people to help us and teach us, for the Holy Spirit is not only in us but also in others, in God's Family. God can use others to teach us. God wants us to trust Him. God wants us to be spiritual humans. He wants us to experience taste, smell, vision, and touch. He doesn't want us to be His wild child who has never experienced real love because we have been separated from a family unit where love is present. Though our earth family may have neglected us or their love is limited or something lacking, God brought us to His Family. Though our church family can be so imperfect that they have also neglected us, God brought us to His larger Family. Though a spiritual parent neglected you and left you, God brought us to His Family where there are more equipped spiritual parents to teach us, to mold us, to guide us as we continue to grow. God devised a family unit to allow us to grow--earth family for our physical needs and spiritual family for our spiritual needs. God cannot allow spiritual orphans to be roaming around not knowing what to do, though they have tried going to many churches, tried to study the Bible, but without proper guidance from a mature Christian, they remain wild children without a shepherd. I thank God for bringing me to a new spiritual Mom who can really teach me the Bible. Though she is from another city, I thank God for technology that we can communicate like we are close by. However, I hope to meet my spiritual Mom again and hug her. Yet I pray that no misunderstanding will separate me like my previous teachers who have left me.

All in all, God is our perfect Father who will never leave us though we misunderstand Him many times.

Numbers 22-25 (Balaam and a Human Sacrifice)

Balaam was a sorcerer but at the same time, one who followed God?

Balaam wanted money, but he refused to do what Balak asked him to do because God told him not to curse Israel. But on second request, God told him to go but say what God would tell him. However, God wanted him killed for going but his scared donkey saved him, whether God was with his donkey to show Balaam that God was powerful than him and Balaam must have sinned or that his motive in going had been wrong (which I could not find in the readings). And in the presence of Balak who wanted Israel cursed, Balaam blessed Israel because God told him what to say. On the third time, Balaam knew God was protecting Israel, Balaam, in the Holy Spirit, told already what he could bless Israel and then cursed Balak. (In previous passages, God protected Israel from men who wanted Israel destroyed for God was with Israel.)

In chapter 25, an Israelite and his pagan partner was killed by Phinehas, a grandson of Aaron, who hated sin, as a sacrifice for the sins of Israel, to save them from God's destruction. Jesus Christ, who never was a sinner became a sacrifice, sacrificed by sinners who loved their sins, to save those who are His own from God's wrath and upcoming Judgment.

The relation of these passages is that our motives should be pure because God is pure, but sinners as we are, we cannot do purity on own. Hence, Jesus Christ came and ascended to heaven leaving us the Holy Spirit to guide us and teach us, preparing us before we leave earth and be with God. Let us allow the Holy Spirit to mold us, no matter how painful it can be for we know the promise that is given to us that we will be with God forever and this earth us just our temporary home. So let us trust God with all our hearts, minds, souls, and strengths.

Unless the Lord builds, those who labor, labor in vain (Prayer for Work)

 ¹ (Unless the Lord) builds the house, 
       the builders (work in vain, they) are working for nothing. 
    (Unless the Lord) guards the city, 
       the guards (watch in vain, they) are watching for nothing.
 ² It is (in vain or of) no use for you to get up early 
       and stay up late, 
    working for a living, (eating bread in painful labor--for)
       The Lord gives sleep to those he loves. ~ Psalm 127:1-2 (NCV, ESV, NASB)

Our Father, who is in heaven,

May your name be hallowed, May your name be glorified.

May your kingdom come, May your will be done on this earth, as it is in heaven.

Give us this day...that as we start each of our individual jobs,

May we glorify you. For our human effort is useless without you.

Without you, we are nothing.

Our work will rather simply be in vain, be tiresome, be rather empty,

If we work only for our own gain, for our best interests.

Father, forgive us for we know not what we do, but Father, teach us to know right from wrong, teach us your law, teach us your grace. Enable us to forgive those who have wronged us no matter how hard it is.

Lead us not to the temptation of deceiving or lying to our fellow coworkers and our leaders, and to our customers, but enable us to love one another as you have first loved us through Jesus Christ your Son, and deliver us from evil.

For yours is your kingdom, your power, and your glory,

Forever and evermore.

In Jesus' precious name we pray, Amen.

Harmful People

As much as it was past....

Who: church Mom
What: Left me, Stayed away from me. I felt like a leper that she couldn't be near me or even touch me.
When: 2011, 2012
Where: At church or at our meeting spots in church
How: Judged wrongly, Misunderstood
Why: I was needy. I wanted to be taught more. I needed help to understand life. I wanted to be taught of the Bible.

==========================================================

All the time..................

Who: Family
What: Abuse of my time, body, and personal space
When: Almost everyday
Where: At home
How: Without asking, "Can you.....?" Commandeering. Controlling.
Why: I am afraid to be scolded. I don't defend that I am tired and resting. I should be respecting their authority. I look after them first before my own.

R.C. Sproul (The Sword and The Keys)

RT @SallyDMedia: The gov't holds the power of the SWORD, while the church holds the power of the keys http://t.co/KPZGbQCh (audio) http://t.co/giFdp8y7 (blog)

I am Burdened

I am burdened that I am a sinner. I am burdened that there is no perfect church. Much more I am burdened that people are comfortable and what they can see within their reach is what they only reach. I am burdened to see visions and I am still far from reaching that vision.

I am also burdened that the day is short and I am torn in halves. What can I do for the family, I'm out of the house for 12 hrs and arrive home with less time for the family and we're already tired. I still have books to read & study, and spend more time with God. I also need to grow and develop relationships with others, be with people, relieving loneliness and staying home, helpless.

May God take care of my family. "Is that a Christian way to do.....?" I can't take care of my family. I'm not supergirl. As much as I hope to help, I'm tired already. My mother's sacrifice that after work she still works at home, . Helpless. She complains but I am unable to help her everything, but only a portion of what she expects.  I also can't proxy my brother's errands when he neglects. I try, even just listen to my mother's complains and blames tho it isn't my mistake. I rather just accept that it's mine. That every complains and blames are my mistakes and doings. Yet most times, I get annoyed and frustrates. I pray that I stop being irritated easily and just submit.

I am not just a professional and a daughter (and friend), I am also a Christian...and people expects a lot from a Christian, even expects us to be their saver or a "baggage counter" or proxy or whatever else that is beyond the norms/usuals of a human being's task on this earth. A Christian is not normal, a Christian is more than just normal. A Christian is appointed to take care? Just like God appointed Adam and Eve to take care of the earth. Yet as flesh and blood of Adam and Eve, we all are appointed to take care but because of the fall, that divine appointment? is corrupted. So, because our relationship with God is being restored to be like that of Adam and Eve before the Fall, our usual tasks are added with the divine tasks called/appointed to us by our Father, yet it's VERY HARD. I thank God for sending Jesus Christ to have allowed us to see what we have not seen for a very long time ago, that relationship with the Father. I also thank God for the Holy Spirit guiding us and caring for us when we can't take care of ourselves and the people being brought to us to take care, our families, friends, and office mates, and a stranger.

May "this" continue on and not be trashed by my feeble mind...on and off.

David Powlison (Fruits of Intimate Power become Evident)

David Powlison (Seeing With New Eyes, Chapter 2)

"The fruits of intimate power become evident. God's children learn humility and patience, becoming less and less headstrong and opinionated as we walk in the light. We are given people with gifts of love and truth to shepherd and teach us, visible and audible demonstrations of God's power. We learn more and more to love, and less and less to be embittered, angry people. We learn to lie with sexual and financial purity, less and less driven by sordid self-interest. We learn wise speech, becoming more and more able to strengthen others with a timely word. We learn to give money to meet others' needs, and we experience the generosity of others to us. In all this and more, the power of the living God who raised Christ now infuses the people of Christ."

Government, A Legal Force, Delegated by God

The fundamental question to ask before voting:

1. What is government?
2. What is government supposed to do?
3. What are its God-given responsibilities?
4. What's the relationship between church and state, between the Kingdom of God and kingdom of man?

@Ligonier

Paula Rinehart (The Cleavers Don't Live Here Anymore)

"The spiritual territory here is uncharted and sometimes frightening. Perhaps you tool a wrong turn to arrive at such a place. You don't know what else lurks in the darkness. As on friend said, 'Suddenly, I realized that if the things feared had happened, then almost anythings else was possible, too. I no longer felt safe.'

"Can't I just return to the days when faith seemed sure and simple? Can't I just go back to where I was? These are natural question to ask. We long for a Bible study or spiritual retreat or earnest effort or something that promises that old certainty. We long for farther to lose its tentative feel--to cease to feel like faith.

"There is no going back, though,. Our manageable belief system no longer works so well. The walls of the box begin to crumble. God often seems strangely absent, as though He has left us on our own to sort things our. Yet, in reality, what we are experiencing is this pain and confusion of letting go, not of God, but of the safe, secure, confines we built to house our concept of Him. God is not a concept of Him. God is not a concept to be mastered. a set prescription we can control. He shows Himself to be much different that we thought--more loving, more exacting, more faithful."

(Paula Rinehart, The Cleavers Don't Live Here Anymore)

Numbers 19-21 (God's Will)

In these passages, many years had already passed and many had died and buried in the desert. Still, the Isrealites complained, probably even those who were born in the desert, those who had not been in Egypt, but hearing their parents' life in Egypt, they missed out what God had done to them. They had been with God. They could see God's pillar of cloud and fire watching over them. Moses and Aaron, the leaders, even disobeyed God, and they could not go unpunished, Aaron died and Moses would die next. With God's punishment, Israel faced God's fury, he brought sickness and snakes which God then instructed Moses to place a snake on a stick for people to see when they got bitten by the deadly snake, an atonement from the the punishment. It's unbelievable to just see at the snake to be cured, but they trusted. They even trusted more in the midst of adversity. God never gave up on them, He still led them and protected them from harm and rejection.

God is merciful but He is just. Disobedience cannot go unpunished. Though God punishes us, He meant our punishment for good, to mold us, to change us, even to learn to trust in him. The snake is a manifestation of Jesus Christ. We are to look on Jesus. He is pure human and pure God. He experiences all our pains and other emotions. He has experienced death, but He has risen and is now with the Father interceding for His own. Jesus is the atonement of our sins, redeeming us from eternal punishment.

It was God's Will to delay the Israelites. It was God's Will to send Jesus and be sacrificed on the cross. It was also God's Will that, not only Israel, would get to know Him and have a relationship with the Creator. It is also God's Will that we face what we are facing now. We are to trust and have faith. Believe for our future is justified in God's Will. Even though, our present may seem hard to understand a future ahead, God wills what he wills.

I am a sinner

I read Numbers 19-21 today though I wasn't in the mood. I think I would later finish it.

"I do hope you already asked the Lord and your parents for forgiveness." ~spiritual mom

At first, "what?" What sin had I done last night? I called my brother "monkey", the name I called him when we were still young, but I called him that today because he was uncooperative and mother got angry at me and let me finish his work.

God, how can I forgive? Can I just forgive from afar, like not openly tell to my parents I forgive them or asking for forgiveness? May I just ask forgiveness from you?

God, my heart is hardened from the experiences I have and I have become someone who is defending herself from emotional pain.

God, I searched back my spiritual dad's emails to remember what he said regarding my brother and parent's unfair treatment. God, enable me live a life of sacrifice revealing to them of your grace. However, I'm thinking, when I have done something wrong, I tend to run away because of the shame and because I have done wrong and I loathe because I am stupid, "why did I do what I have done?" I'm a bad person. God, soften my heart PLEASE. God, punish me, break me, but don't allow me to be bitter. Take away the bitterness I have. GOD, fill my minds with your words, with your thoughts. Let me remember my spiritual dad's words. Help me remember you and your words, let me know more of you God. PLEASE change my thinking, change my ways, change my lifestyle, change ME. God, I am the same from before, enable me to leave the life I have, the self I have. God, this prayer is all about me, me, me. Enable me to think more of you, you, you

God I'm proud. Help me let go. God, help me stop accusing myself. Help me stop judging myself, I am not the judge but you.

Numbers 16-18 (Rebellion, Set Apart, and Submission to Authority)

Some of the Israelites started a rebellion against Moses and Aaron for bringing them back to the desert. However, they did no rebel against Moses and Aaron but against God for God was leading Moses and Aaron. God punished the people to death, swallowing them down the earth. God also showed to the people that Aaron was different and chosen by Him to lead the people, but Aaron was also accountable to the sins of the people, which Aaron and his sons were to offer sacrifices to God for the people, redeeming or atoning them of their sins. The Levites were also separate from the other tribes of Israel for they were appointed by God to work for the Meeting Tent, to work for God and help to Aaron and his sons.

God chooses people.
He choose his appointed ones into his Kingdom.
He choose from his appointed to the service to God and His people.
He choose from his helpers to lead the people and be accountable.
Yet, God choose His Son, Jesus Christ to be an atonement for our sins that we don't have to be the ones to make sacrifices for the people. Jesus is the perfect sacrifice and he intercedes for us as he is sitting at the throne beside the Father.

As chosen ones, we are to be set apart from all peoples of the world. Learning about God. Serving him. Be holy as He is holy. To love Him with all our heart, mind, soul, and strength. To love our neighbors as ourselves just as Jesus loves for his love is perfect. God's hate for sins is not like our hate for we are imperfect. Be set apart and not be like the people of this world, disobeying God, hence, rebelling God for He created us, He is our Father, our Master.


This passage not only talks about rebellion being set apart. It talks about the people to submit to authority for God appoints people to be in authority over us, to lead us, to guide us. May they be teachers, our parents, mentors, bosses, older siblings, older friends, whoever who has shown us authority.

Romans 13:1-6
Hebrews 13:17

Surely we will be punished or surely we sin when we defy authority and I am guilty of that. I have defied authority because I want to be independent. I rebelled. What good has it come to me? A broken trust and broken relationship that is far from the chance for being mended. I have become hateful, resilient, resentful, angry. Nothing good happens when I defy authority.

Numbers 15 (Hope in God)

I read the devotion part of this passage before I wrote here.

The first part talks how to offer sacrifices to God and obey Him. Second talks about a man stoned to death for he collected wood on a Sabbath. Third talks about God commanding people to put tassels on their garment to remind them of God's commands.

The man stoned to death for gathering wood on a Sabbath concerns me because what if he's collecting wood to burn for food. Didn't Jesus' disciples collect food from the fields because they were hungry? Didn't Jesus tell the crippled man of 30 years to carry the mat? The man was pitiful. He was just gathering wood and he was stoned to death for it. Was he innocent or was he intentionally disobeying God? By his punishment, he disobeyed God. Sabbath must be kept holy because God rested on the seventh day after 6 days of work. Sabbath is set aside for our day of worship, to remind us to turn from our sins, to love even our enemies, to give and care those who are in need. To let go of our material possessions, that includes work for we are working for the benefit of preserving ourselves in the flesh and leisure, to trust in God and hope in God completely that He alone can provide everything we need...for our body, strength, and spirit. On Sabbath, we are to rest in Him. Trust in Him. Hope in Him. Yet, I still can't get over for the man stoned to death.

May we put reminders to remind us that we are not our own, we don't belong here but belong in heaven with God. A reminder to always look up to God and obey Him.

I am a great sinner and I don't deserve to be part of God's Family. I could have killed myself if I have not known God. I still lose focus of God. I still speak unwholesome talk, I fail to edify, I raise my voice especially when I am irritable, I lack self-control. I hate, I get angry and sin especially when I am wrong, hurt, and betrayed. I beg....

God, enable me to hope in you completely, trust ONLY you entirely, have faith in you which can move mountains. Let me hope in you, God that someday I become whom I think I will be. Yet, teach me, guide me, don't hurt me too much as you discipline me to become the person you will me to be. Let me always choose you more than other things. Let me be patient and not be hasty with the "visions" you allow me to peep or see but let me wait on you. The Isrealites had the chance to see the Promised Land but because of sin, they were moved away that all they could do was hope one day they would possess the land. What if I may not see the visions happen in my time? It hurts but GOD! Let me still hope in you. Let me, especially, enjoy you. In Jesus' name, Amen.

David Powlison (I'll-wait-and-see-how-he'll-treat-me ATTITUDE)

David Powlison's Seeing With New Eyes: Counseling and the Human Condition through the lens of Scripture

"I once talked with a woman who was picking through the rubble of her marriage. Her husband had treated her very badly, rejecting and betraying her. But she has also contributed to the demolitions of love. She had lived a lifestyle of fear, passivity, and what we came to call her 'I'll-wait-and-see-how-he'll-treat-me' attitude. Over the years she had drifted and nursed her self-pity, rather than wrestling with herself in order to love her husband and fighting to save her marriage. She now faced yet another fork in the road: either continue in the old lifestyle driven by fear of man or forge a new lifestyle driven by faith in Christ. She would have many opportunities to interact with him as the divorce proceedings played out.

"While all this is going on, Christ calls her to deal with God about the log in her own eye, He calls her to bring grace and forgiveness into the rubble. He calls her to speak candid, constructive words to her husband. He calls her to a bold humility, not a cowardly self-absorption.

"She was struggling with all this, but starting to light up. I could finally say to her, 'It is a hard row to hoe, isn't it? but you know that the worst thing that could happen is that you'll be rejected again. He might spurn your wisdom. So what? If you embrace what God is doing in setting you free of the crippling I'll wait-and-see-how-he'll-treat-me attitude, then the minimum good is that Christ is alive in you, and you know him and his love, and you change. And the best that can happen is that you can be an agent of the glory of God in this man's life, as well as with your kids, who observe every tone of voice and facial expression. God alone know, but it is possibly for this marriage to be restored. Your sins and his sins are the only two things making it incinerate. As you deal with yours and find grace, then you'll have grace to give. The rest is between your husband and the Lord.'...."

Numbers 13-14 (Trust and Faith)

"You are now living in the real world. Happy for you." ~Spiritual Dad

The passage talks when 12 spies were called to check on the Promised Land. After 40 days, they brought with them fruits and news of what they saw. Ten spies said things that made people scared. However, Caleb told the Israelites that this land was the land the Lord had promised them and encouraged them that if the Lord was with them, the land would be theirs. But the people heard and saw only the things the ten spies told them. And the Lord was angry at them, though God was merciful, forgiving, slow to anger, and loved His own, God still had to punish them. God told them to leave the place and go back near the Red Sea and that anyone from 20yo up were to die first before Israel entered the Promised Land. The spies were also stricken a deadly sickness except Joshua and Caleb who trusted and had faith in God.

Me of little faith. I fail to focus on the good when I am in the down, especially when my emotions attack my physical body, I lose faith and trust.

Dear God, I am very sorry for my lack of faith and lack of trust. I am sorry for forgetting you and losing focus. Spare me your wrath, I am sorry. Please teach me. Enable me to remember you always. And though I have remembered you, enable me to stand against the pain, the hurt, the emotions attacking my spirit, mind, and body. Help me win against the deception of the enemy. Enable me to live according to your will. Let your kingdom come and your will be done on earth as it is in heaven. Enable me to remember that I don't belong here and I belong in you. This place is just temporary, yet let me learn to live according to your will. Enable me to remember the promise that you are with me and you will fight my battles. Let me trust you. Have me faith that can move mountains. You are God and I am sorry I forget that many times when things don't go well. Help me, dear God. Let me be with you always. In Jesus' Name, Amen.

Numbers 12 (Jealousy)

This passage is about sibling rivalry and jealousy between Aaron and Miriam towards Moses because God talks close to Moses. God doesn't excuse jealousy, He speaks to Moses because he is the least proud person that time and God trusts that he can lead the people.

I still don't seem to understand the gravity of jealousy. What about it that the 2 siblings would be jealous of Moses because God favored Moses more because Moses was humble, and God became angry with the two?

I got jealous with a spiritual sister (a year older than me) because our spiritual mother (former) favored her more or hugged her more, taught her about God more. I got jealous like I was jealous when I was 5yo towards my baby brother. My doctor and her told me that she had given me the special attention and would take more time and patience with me. However, because of my jealousy (also towards her boyfriend), my church mother got angry at me and one of the reasons she left me.

I get jealous, envious, and then self-pity when I see people doing what I wish for but cannot even have, such as a hug, a quality time with others...and because I don't belong or I'm weird, I'm a loner. I've had many counselors/help already, and they just leave and give up. Would I also experience this with my new spiritual mom? What about my spiritual dad? Both of them are no longer of my city. Dad left because he needed to be near his father's family. Mom only came here for an on-the-job training from her seminary. They're reasonable. At least they didn't leave me by giving up. They only physically left unlike the others, they neglected.

Numbers 10 - 11 (Trust)

God is a Guide. He is THE LORD. He gives yet he also punishes.

God is scary. We/I shouldn't be demanding to have what I really want, and then not be so greedy when I have it.

The Israelites complained wanted more food than what they already have. Moses became very angry that he complained to God that why was he chosen to lead this people who wanted their way, yet He still trusted God and obeyed, telling the people what God had said. God still gave what the Israelites wanted but killed them those who were so greedy. God also shared Moses' responsibility to prophesy to other leaders to comfort and help Moses even for just this one time.

God is a Provider and Comforter. If we/I just share to God my worries, concerns, and complains to him, yet still trust and obey, God will grant something good for me.

He is God and He can't be underestimated.

Dear God, I am imperfect and I sin against you. For some times, if not many times, I lose focus of you and follow my own ways, trust my own terms. I am sorry. Enable me to always rely on you, remember you, be mindful you. Teach me to be more and more like you, to be more like Christ. Forgive me, dear God. Don't be angry at me. Thank you for the people you brought to me. Thank you for reaching out to me through your Word and your people. I pray, dear God, that they, this time, will not leave me, that we will not fight. I pray, dear God, that for those who have failed me. They may not know that they have failed and and wronged me. Father, forgive them. Though, in my heart, I am very hurt and I want them to repay for what they have done. God let me, enable me to forgive them as you would forgive me. There are in your hands. Just let me get to know you more, have more time with you. Enjoy and glorify you, my Lord, my God, my Father. In Jesus' name, Amen.

I'm back

Hello Blogger.

It's been so long. Here's a quick update. My "rest" is done.

I am back to my home church, obeying God to set an example to the believers in speech, in love, in life, in faith, and purity (1 Tim. 4:12), and to follow and serve God in His terms. It's going to be a difficult challenge for me, especially that I have to somehow help reform my home church. There's still an awkward connection with my church mother though.

I have also, finally, found a job. My boss is a church mate. This is a privilege and an opportunity to grow up (literally) and for Christ. Be taught, trained, and be equipped to become a leader.

"It is an opportunity from God that He had called me to be where I am so that I may glorify His name by making Him known to others."

There may be some changes. My next entries would be journals, mostly from devotionals.

I'm still a bit a lone ranger Christian, but with my new spiritual mother from another city is willing to help me out. She's going to call. I would still be contacting my spiritual father.

Anyway.. =)

Ravi Zacharias (The Cry of a Lonely Heart)

Excerpt from Ravi Zacharias' book, Cries of the Heart:

Our being longs for God. He has fashioned our hungers. Only in Him is the soul hunger of loneliness met -- not just in love but in worship... The clutching of the Scriptures was [an] expression of Appreciative love to God Himself.

Worship Is More Than Love

When worship is fully understood, it does at least three things that clearly counter the ache of loneliness.

1. The first recognition of worship is the legitimate sense of mystery and the rightful expression of awe. This thrilling recognition of mystery is one of the greatest fulfillments of the human heart. Take a good look at our pursuits in every avenue of knowledge. Why do the horizons of science continue to expand? Only because of our desire to know....

It is little wonder that we have learned to live with loneliness, because our mysteries have a very short shelf life. Is it possible that God who Himself is pure spirit has placed a particular kind of mystery within us so that only in aw of Him can we find perpetual novelty?

We are finite persons. When that finitude loses gratitude ans is in awe of the impersonal, the branches of existence lose connection with the roots of essence, and behavior is studied detached from the mystery of life itself...

How much more would [God] want us to remember that the very life we have is a gift? This reminder to ourselves again and again is at the heart of worship. If it were not for this kind of Appreciative live, one could never truly worship God. Our of a worship that is pure, all other loves fain their definition.

2. Second, not only does this kind of Appreciative love lead to worship that is alive with awe and wonder, it goes beyond itself and gives to others. This is also important to note, because the countering effect of worship in one's loneliness does not stop with the self; it then must reach out to others in their needs and struggles. If it were not for Appreciative love for God, one could never love his or her enemy or even love for another's sake.

Out of Appreciative love flows true Gift-love, given especially to those in the throes of Need-love. Because of our love for God we endure all things, and from the love with which He enriches us flows a love that is not our own. It comes from a deposit He makes in our hearts from which we draw.

In a world full of hate and suspicion, what a distinctive role the Christian can play. This is the only way in which the spread of alienation is arrested and the nearness of Christi's love is brought even nearer to so many who are lonely. All the hatred that is demonstrated in our world has resulted from a world that knows no Appreciative love toward the very author of life.

3. Finally, Appreciative love or worship not only flows our of gratitude to God and spreads the love of God in a hostile world, it also binds the worshiping life into a single focus, touching upon every sense of life itself. Many artists and gifted writers feel the ache of loneliness because theirs is mangled genius. The "sword of Solomon" has done its work in their spirits, cutting them up. They are persons first before they are artists, and a life that seeks fulfillment in its expertise before it dins fulfillment in its being is bound to feel deeply the ache of fragmentation. Just as a child cannot be physically mangled and still retain wholeness, we cannot mangle ourselves essentially without the resultant sense of desolation. Worship brings the coalescence of essence.

Living an Interesting Life (Sunday, Aug 26 2012)

I chose that title because though my life can be unattractive but in Christ, having the persecutions and ups & downs are part of life. Especially when having the joy and peace to worship and know God more despite the troubles, so that's an interesting life to grow and be molded to be a child of God. I also got the title from my mentor's description about my struggles during his counsel before.

Last week's Friday, I didn't join the IO service. Neither did I join last Sunday service nor other churches but I attended my home church. For the rest of my Sunday, I went out with an visiting friend-acquaintance and home church "friends" (some of whom who would push me to the corner and forget about me...yet despite that I just want) to have some fun and be away from the city for one day and one night. Alas! I had fun and evidenced by a worn out body.

Last Saturday was a wedding from a couple in our church. They were my close friends.

In that wedding, I had also met my mentor who moved to another city. I was so happy to see him, I hugged him. On that day, a pastor also spoke to me, quoting a radio podcast she heard from Grace To You. She shared to me that to be a part of a team, I must have or must be:

T - Trust or Trustworthy
E - Excellence
A - Acceptance and Adjustment
M - Mentoring

In a team, there has to be trust, striving for excellence, acceptance and adjustment, and mentoring from equipped individuals from the team.

She said that the reason I wasn't allowed to help out in the youth was because I was not trusted.

I know there are people who look down at me. Some of those people are in the youth core. However, though there are people looking down at me, I have to keep in mind there are a few who still believe in me, and they are leaders, too. They may not be as influential as those who look down at me, but they are still God's.

1 Timothy 4:12 

"Let no one despise you for your youth, but set the believers an example in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith, in purity."

She also said to me that what I had been doing, the running away, was my way of serving and worshiping God, not God's Way. Though my intentions were good: so I could be open-minded towards other churches and Christians, so I could learn from them, so I could widen my vision of God's Kingdom; I was still not worshiping and serving God, His Way. She could be right, but I just wondered, "I am still not free. How can I grow by myself?"

To also add to the letter E of team, Exemplary. To be worthy to be a good example towards others. I got that from my mentor's preaching, as the guest pastor, last Sunday, Living by Example (preaching from the book of 1 Peter).

I had a chat with my mentor last Sunday. It was short. We only went through some chapters of Romans, where we left before he left. Yet, we're not finished with Romans. I tried sharing to my spiritual father about my last week's Sunday, but he didn't seem to be interested or maybe his time was short. I was trying to share my heartaches. I began to wonder, "What does Dad want to hear from me? Could I be no longer be who I was after he left because he said I was reflecting my ex-mentor's attitude? Maybe I am becoming negative. What can I do to change to be the person pleasing to Dad?"

I also share my heartaches and fun times to my new spiritual mother (she's also not from my city). There were also times she might not be reading my messages. I really wondered, "How can I share where I can have some interaction? I want to know, am I growing in a thorny soil (Parable of the Sower, Luke 8:4-8)? It is hard to have mentors who are far away."

Then... Though I want to please my spiritual parents, I still have to grow up, grow out, and have my own spiritual children someday as well. God is our ultimate Father of us all. My spiritual parents work will be effective when I have grown up and they become spiritual grandparents, and that God is my only source of joy and comfort regardless of my spiritual parents' limited provision of joy and comfort.

I miss my spiritual parents. I miss their hugs and back rubs, too. I miss hugging them back as well.

It's Tuesday. I am re-thinking of my goals and decisions and commitments. At home, I am not free, I have to abide to my parents even if it means a short time to reflect, read books, and a desire to spend many times with God my Father. In the office, I am also not free, I may not be able to read books even in idle times. In church, I am not free, I have no mentors yet, can't get myself to be discipled, trained, and equipped. HOW CAN I HAVE MORE TIME TO SPEND WITH MY FATHER GOD? I WANT TO READ BOOKS BUT HOW, CONSIDERING THE IMPRISONED LIFE I AM LIVING? If I go back to my home church and back to the old routine, I may be juggling a lot of tasks and I may get burned out again, and grouchier, too.

Psalm 46:10 

Be still and know that I am God.
I will be exalted among the nations,
I will be exalted in the earth! 

John 14:1,27 

[Jesus said] Let not your hearts be troubled. Believe [Trust] in God; believe [trust] also in me.
Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid.

Living by Example (1 Peter 2:11-12; 3:1-2)

1. Context: The appeal to Christians of this world
 - We are citizens living as aliens in this world.
 - Citizens of Heaven: We must abstain from evil desires of this world.
 - Evil desires:
    - James 1:15 - Then desire when it has conceived gives birth to sin, and sin when it is full grown brings forth death.
    - Temporary Physical Satisfaction

Principle: By our conduct and good deeds, we show unbelievers the way to God.

2. Conduct: Why conduct?
 - God wants Christians to be living testimonies of His love and mercy toward non-believers because through our lives, He calls others to Himself (Indirect Evangelism or Relationship Evangelism)

Principle 1: Our conduct and confession of faith should not serve as a stumbling block for non-believers.

 - Living Godly Lives: praiseworthy, noble, morally good in the sight of men
 - Christians are living glass houses.

Principle 2: We must walk our talk.

 - Though accused of wrong doing, Christians should strive for such exemplary conduct that slanderous accusations of unbelievers remain godless (1 Peter 3:16 - Having a good conscience, so that, when you are slandered, those who revile your good behavior in Christ may be put to shame.)

Principle 3: Christians will "silence the ignorant talk of foolish men." (1 Peter 2:15 - For this is the will of God, that by doing good you should silence the ignorance of foolish people.)

3. Counsel: Application from Peter
 - In principle, How can a Christian evangelize to non-believers?

1st, Admonition to Submission:
 - We must carry our own cross and follow Jesus.
2nd, Action:
 - We must exemplify what we learn from our faith. (James 2:18 - But someone will say, "You have faith and I have works." Show me your faith apart from your works and I will show you my faith by my works.)
3rd, Attention:
 - We must be "witnesses without works" to our loved ones.
 - We are not the gospel, but we only point people to the gospel.

Sunday, Aug 19 2012 (Travel)

It's Tuesday. I'm still not in the mood to write about my Sunday-backpacking day and last Friday.

Last Saturday, I didn't go out early because I slept at 2AM. My mother woke up and found out that I planned to leave later. She then took my supposedly-resting-sleeping time to be her make-breakfast-help-out time. Why do they have to use my time as their own? Annoyed, I went back to my covers and uttered, "Let me have a job, God!! You're annoying, God!! Darn it!!"

I got up a little bit later. My brother prepared the breakfast. I only prepared the breakfast table and fed the dogs. Took a bath, prepared to leave.

"If I stay home, they will use my time as their own. So, it's better to leave and use my time other else. Sunday is supposed to my time of rest."

Went to a Reformed Church but found out, I was given an un-updated location. So I went to an Assembly of God church. It was a big church. They had Sunday School for all ages before the worship service started. Then I went to Christ's Commission Church, 2nd time to be there.

These two churches I went, they're message was like an hour long. It was making me drowsy. The first church, it was hard to understand what he was talking about. Hard to contemplate because I still had to understand the vernacular, his tone of voice and expression, his shifting from vernacular to English, and the message at the same time. Second church, the speaker was talking about eschatology in the perspective of the Middle East's prophecy upon their land or region. Their were points from the speaker which made me wonder his reliability. Reliability of today's economy. Could he have got his sources from rumors or from accurately reliable sources?

For my lunch, I went to a new restaurant in town. I was enjoying my Korean lunch alone.

After lunch, though still early, I went to Inside Out (IO) already, supposedly to start my devotion and study. However, I ended up surfing the internet.

During the IO service, the message was from Matthew 14:22-34 (The Storm, Jesus, and Peter). The speaker was a mentee, a new college graduate, a youth. Wow!

Last Friday IO's service, the message was from Ephesians 2:1-9 (Is Living in Sin Really Living?). The speaker was a college student, too. However, she said a mistake, "Paul hates God." Paul did not hate God. He was a scholar, a teacher of the law, a priest. He did hate Christians. That was where the young speaker made a mistake.

I pray, my home church, would someday have many young leaders that we don't have to be too dependent on our pastors and elder leaders, the Ahias and Achies.

I have nothing to say about those two messages, but I recorded the messages, embedded above. Like I said, I have not been in the mood. No mood, no words, less expression.

John Piper (Holy Ambition)

An excerpt of John Piper's sermon on Holy Ambition:

‘Holy ambition’ means something you really want to do that God wants you to do. Something you want to do so much that doing it keeps you from doing other things that you also really like to do. Paul really wanted to go to Rome for years1. But he didn’t go because he wanted something else more. He wanted to preach the gospel in Asia and Greece where people didn’t know about Jesus. He really, really, really wanted to do this. We call that kind of desire an ‘ambition.’ And we call it ‘holy ambition’ when it is something God wants you to do.

Kristie Anyabwile (Young, Restless, Reformed, Female)

An excerpt from Young, Restless, Reformed, and Female Interview with Kristie Anyabwile:

As a part of the fall, women have a sinful desire for the man’s place of leadership. This desire is manifested in the church when we fight for positions of authority and leadership that are outside Scripture’s teaching. …Women often become discouraged and bitter when don’t see opportunities to use their gifts in the local church. …There could [also] be a real temptation toward spiritual pride and self-righteousness… (Rom. 12:13; 1 Cor. 8:1) or deceiving ourselves into thinking that we’re wise… (1 Cor. 3:18)…

Max Lucado (Grip of Grace)

Max Lucado:

Where the Grace of God is missed, bitterness is born.
But where the Grace of God is embraced, forgiveness flourishes.
The longer we walk in the garden, the more likely we are to smell the flowers.
The more we immerse ourselves in grace, the more likely we are to give grace. ~ Grip of Grace

Five Years from Now?

I had a heart to heart chat with my new spiritual mother yester-night. We talked over the phone because we were separated by distance, she's from another city in another island of our country.

She gave me an assignment. Told me not to post online. I thought, "I think it's okay to place this on my blog. People I know don't know about this anyway. I want to post this on my blog because it's easy to store and find, and what if there is one who is facing the same struggles I am facing."

What do I want to be doing 5 years from now? (That's always a hard question. When a job interviewer asks me that question, I would make just think of things that sound good, but I have no idea what I am talking about.)

What do I want right now?
- I want to start working.

What work? Why?
- I want to work in the corporate. I want to climb the corporate ladder. I want to have a company car or my own car. I want to have my own house or apartment. Moreover, I want to be independent. I want to also travel around the world and take pictures.

What God-given gifts do I have?
- Music, Photography/Filmmaking, Teaching, Knowledge, Helping, Computers
- Of these, I can say 'teaching' really is from God because I never think myself to be able to teach.

What do I want to teach?
- Uhm????
- Anything that I have knowledge of: medicines & photography.

Then here was what Mamu said: I am talented. God gave me these gifts. Because God gave me these gifts, I should return back the glory to God. The purpose of using my talents is for God's glory. Therefore, maximizing my talents is to give God full glory. (Parable of The Talents: Matthew 25:14-30; Luke 19:12-27; or click and read the comic on the right.)

I have not been maximizing my talents, so I am not giving God glory. And because I am capable with a lot of things, I am confused of what I really want to do.

Mamu also said, "Your worth is not in what you want to do but what Jesus has already done."

So, what do I want to be for the next 5 years?
- I don't know. =(
- If I think educationally, intellectually, or skillfully, I would want to have developed work ethics, better social skills, improved communication skills, equipped to become a leader, and able to have taught to many.

So, what work would it be?

Talk about teaching.
Orchestra - I can teach music. Maybe. Direct people how to play a guitar, for sure.
Filmmaker - I can teach photography and how to use the equipment. Direct the actors, direct my co-producers.
Bible Person - I can teach about God and Bible. Direct people to Jesus and the Father as the Holy Spirit guides me.
Traveler - I can teach cultures. With my film/photography, I can direct people to a culture and people, and through my film/photography, I may be able to move the hearts of people for the nations and God's Creation.
Corporate - I can teach about a product. Direct and lead people through plans on how to make business strive.

Based from what I have written and the choices above, three things are intertwined.
Filmmaker with Traveler.
Traveler with Bible Person.

If corporate, I may start applying for the position of medical representative than technology or other perishables because, in medical missions, I am amazed with myself teaching and instructing people about the drugs. I may be able to use this ability someday with Travelling and Missionary (Bible Person) work.

Orchestra.. Where is it? I don't know. Maybe this will just be my extra hobby, but I may not be able to be in the orchestra. JULLIARD!!! How I wish.