I read Numbers 19-21 today though I wasn't in the mood. I think I would later finish it.
"I do hope you already asked the Lord and your parents for forgiveness." ~spiritual mom
At first, "what?" What sin had I done last night? I called my brother "monkey", the name I called him when we were still young, but I called him that today because he was uncooperative and mother got angry at me and let me finish his work.
God, how can I forgive? Can I just forgive from afar, like not openly tell to my parents I forgive them or asking for forgiveness? May I just ask forgiveness from you?
God, my heart is hardened from the experiences I have and I have become someone who is defending herself from emotional pain.
God, I searched back my spiritual dad's emails to remember what he said regarding my brother and parent's unfair treatment. God, enable me live a life of sacrifice revealing to them of your grace. However, I'm thinking, when I have done something wrong, I tend to run away because of the shame and because I have done wrong and I loathe because I am stupid, "why did I do what I have done?" I'm a bad person. God, soften my heart PLEASE. God, punish me, break me, but don't allow me to be bitter. Take away the bitterness I have. GOD, fill my minds with your words, with your thoughts. Let me remember my spiritual dad's words. Help me remember you and your words, let me know more of you God. PLEASE change my thinking, change my ways, change my lifestyle, change ME. God, I am the same from before, enable me to leave the life I have, the self I have. God, this prayer is all about me, me, me. Enable me to think more of you, you, you
God I'm proud. Help me let go. God, help me stop accusing myself. Help me stop judging myself, I am not the judge but you.
