David Powlison's Seeing With New Eyes: Counseling and the Human Condition through the lens of Scripture
"I once talked with a woman who was picking through the rubble of her marriage. Her husband had treated her very badly, rejecting and betraying her. But she has also contributed to the demolitions of love. She had lived a lifestyle of fear, passivity, and what we came to call her 'I'll-wait-and-see-how-he'll-treat-me' attitude. Over the years she had drifted and nursed her self-pity, rather than wrestling with herself in order to love her husband and fighting to save her marriage. She now faced yet another fork in the road: either continue in the old lifestyle driven by fear of man or forge a new lifestyle driven by faith in Christ. She would have many opportunities to interact with him as the divorce proceedings played out.
"While all this is going on, Christ calls her to deal with God about the log in her own eye, He calls her to bring grace and forgiveness into the rubble. He calls her to speak candid, constructive words to her husband. He calls her to a bold humility, not a cowardly self-absorption.
"She was struggling with all this, but starting to light up. I could finally say to her, 'It is a hard row to hoe, isn't it? but you know that the worst thing that could happen is that you'll be rejected again. He might spurn your wisdom. So what? If you embrace what God is doing in setting you free of the crippling I'll wait-and-see-how-he'll-treat-me attitude, then the minimum good is that Christ is alive in you, and you know him and his love, and you change. And the best that can happen is that you can be an agent of the glory of God in this man's life, as well as with your kids, who observe every tone of voice and facial expression. God alone know, but it is possibly for this marriage to be restored. Your sins and his sins are the only two things making it incinerate. As you deal with yours and find grace, then you'll have grace to give. The rest is between your husband and the Lord.'...."
