Living an Interesting Life (Sunday, Aug 26 2012)

I chose that title because though my life can be unattractive but in Christ, having the persecutions and ups & downs are part of life. Especially when having the joy and peace to worship and know God more despite the troubles, so that's an interesting life to grow and be molded to be a child of God. I also got the title from my mentor's description about my struggles during his counsel before.

Last week's Friday, I didn't join the IO service. Neither did I join last Sunday service nor other churches but I attended my home church. For the rest of my Sunday, I went out with an visiting friend-acquaintance and home church "friends" (some of whom who would push me to the corner and forget about me...yet despite that I just want) to have some fun and be away from the city for one day and one night. Alas! I had fun and evidenced by a worn out body.

Last Saturday was a wedding from a couple in our church. They were my close friends.

In that wedding, I had also met my mentor who moved to another city. I was so happy to see him, I hugged him. On that day, a pastor also spoke to me, quoting a radio podcast she heard from Grace To You. She shared to me that to be a part of a team, I must have or must be:

T - Trust or Trustworthy
E - Excellence
A - Acceptance and Adjustment
M - Mentoring

In a team, there has to be trust, striving for excellence, acceptance and adjustment, and mentoring from equipped individuals from the team.

She said that the reason I wasn't allowed to help out in the youth was because I was not trusted.

I know there are people who look down at me. Some of those people are in the youth core. However, though there are people looking down at me, I have to keep in mind there are a few who still believe in me, and they are leaders, too. They may not be as influential as those who look down at me, but they are still God's.

1 Timothy 4:12 

"Let no one despise you for your youth, but set the believers an example in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith, in purity."

She also said to me that what I had been doing, the running away, was my way of serving and worshiping God, not God's Way. Though my intentions were good: so I could be open-minded towards other churches and Christians, so I could learn from them, so I could widen my vision of God's Kingdom; I was still not worshiping and serving God, His Way. She could be right, but I just wondered, "I am still not free. How can I grow by myself?"

To also add to the letter E of team, Exemplary. To be worthy to be a good example towards others. I got that from my mentor's preaching, as the guest pastor, last Sunday, Living by Example (preaching from the book of 1 Peter).

I had a chat with my mentor last Sunday. It was short. We only went through some chapters of Romans, where we left before he left. Yet, we're not finished with Romans. I tried sharing to my spiritual father about my last week's Sunday, but he didn't seem to be interested or maybe his time was short. I was trying to share my heartaches. I began to wonder, "What does Dad want to hear from me? Could I be no longer be who I was after he left because he said I was reflecting my ex-mentor's attitude? Maybe I am becoming negative. What can I do to change to be the person pleasing to Dad?"

I also share my heartaches and fun times to my new spiritual mother (she's also not from my city). There were also times she might not be reading my messages. I really wondered, "How can I share where I can have some interaction? I want to know, am I growing in a thorny soil (Parable of the Sower, Luke 8:4-8)? It is hard to have mentors who are far away."

Then... Though I want to please my spiritual parents, I still have to grow up, grow out, and have my own spiritual children someday as well. God is our ultimate Father of us all. My spiritual parents work will be effective when I have grown up and they become spiritual grandparents, and that God is my only source of joy and comfort regardless of my spiritual parents' limited provision of joy and comfort.

I miss my spiritual parents. I miss their hugs and back rubs, too. I miss hugging them back as well.

It's Tuesday. I am re-thinking of my goals and decisions and commitments. At home, I am not free, I have to abide to my parents even if it means a short time to reflect, read books, and a desire to spend many times with God my Father. In the office, I am also not free, I may not be able to read books even in idle times. In church, I am not free, I have no mentors yet, can't get myself to be discipled, trained, and equipped. HOW CAN I HAVE MORE TIME TO SPEND WITH MY FATHER GOD? I WANT TO READ BOOKS BUT HOW, CONSIDERING THE IMPRISONED LIFE I AM LIVING? If I go back to my home church and back to the old routine, I may be juggling a lot of tasks and I may get burned out again, and grouchier, too.

Psalm 46:10 

Be still and know that I am God.
I will be exalted among the nations,
I will be exalted in the earth! 

John 14:1,27 

[Jesus said] Let not your hearts be troubled. Believe [Trust] in God; believe [trust] also in me.
Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid.

Kristie Anyabwile (Young, Restless, Reformed, Female)

An excerpt from Young, Restless, Reformed, and Female Interview with Kristie Anyabwile:

As a part of the fall, women have a sinful desire for the man’s place of leadership. This desire is manifested in the church when we fight for positions of authority and leadership that are outside Scripture’s teaching. …Women often become discouraged and bitter when don’t see opportunities to use their gifts in the local church. …There could [also] be a real temptation toward spiritual pride and self-righteousness… (Rom. 12:13; 1 Cor. 8:1) or deceiving ourselves into thinking that we’re wise… (1 Cor. 3:18)…

Five Years from Now?

I had a heart to heart chat with my new spiritual mother yester-night. We talked over the phone because we were separated by distance, she's from another city in another island of our country.

She gave me an assignment. Told me not to post online. I thought, "I think it's okay to place this on my blog. People I know don't know about this anyway. I want to post this on my blog because it's easy to store and find, and what if there is one who is facing the same struggles I am facing."

What do I want to be doing 5 years from now? (That's always a hard question. When a job interviewer asks me that question, I would make just think of things that sound good, but I have no idea what I am talking about.)

What do I want right now?
- I want to start working.

What work? Why?
- I want to work in the corporate. I want to climb the corporate ladder. I want to have a company car or my own car. I want to have my own house or apartment. Moreover, I want to be independent. I want to also travel around the world and take pictures.

What God-given gifts do I have?
- Music, Photography/Filmmaking, Teaching, Knowledge, Helping, Computers
- Of these, I can say 'teaching' really is from God because I never think myself to be able to teach.

What do I want to teach?
- Uhm????
- Anything that I have knowledge of: medicines & photography.

Then here was what Mamu said: I am talented. God gave me these gifts. Because God gave me these gifts, I should return back the glory to God. The purpose of using my talents is for God's glory. Therefore, maximizing my talents is to give God full glory. (Parable of The Talents: Matthew 25:14-30; Luke 19:12-27; or click and read the comic on the right.)

I have not been maximizing my talents, so I am not giving God glory. And because I am capable with a lot of things, I am confused of what I really want to do.

Mamu also said, "Your worth is not in what you want to do but what Jesus has already done."

So, what do I want to be for the next 5 years?
- I don't know. =(
- If I think educationally, intellectually, or skillfully, I would want to have developed work ethics, better social skills, improved communication skills, equipped to become a leader, and able to have taught to many.

So, what work would it be?

Talk about teaching.
Orchestra - I can teach music. Maybe. Direct people how to play a guitar, for sure.
Filmmaker - I can teach photography and how to use the equipment. Direct the actors, direct my co-producers.
Bible Person - I can teach about God and Bible. Direct people to Jesus and the Father as the Holy Spirit guides me.
Traveler - I can teach cultures. With my film/photography, I can direct people to a culture and people, and through my film/photography, I may be able to move the hearts of people for the nations and God's Creation.
Corporate - I can teach about a product. Direct and lead people through plans on how to make business strive.

Based from what I have written and the choices above, three things are intertwined.
Filmmaker with Traveler.
Traveler with Bible Person.

If corporate, I may start applying for the position of medical representative than technology or other perishables because, in medical missions, I am amazed with myself teaching and instructing people about the drugs. I may be able to use this ability someday with Travelling and Missionary (Bible Person) work.

Orchestra.. Where is it? I don't know. Maybe this will just be my extra hobby, but I may not be able to be in the orchestra. JULLIARD!!! How I wish.

R.C. Sproul (Pain of Loving the Sheep)

Ligonier: Ravenous Sheep by R.C. Sproul.

An excerpt:

The hardest thing about being a pastor is not being poorly paid. If that needs to be fixed and you can, please do. The hardest thing about being a pastor isn't the long hours. That doesn't mean you shouldn't call when you are in the emergency room. It does mean if you have a theological question at 9:30 Saturday night, try to wait until after Sunday service to ask. The hardest thing isn't the lack of respect in the church and the world over his calling. If you can help there, please do. The hardest thing about a pastor is the pain of watching the sheep you love banging their heads against the wall until their wool is like scarlet." The hardest thing about being a shepherd is the pain of loving the sheep.