Let Bitterness Cast Out

Two months after coming back from another country, I found my hometown still a pain. All problems and struggles I left were still present. Re-adjusting was hard after giving myself away in that country to know the people to minister to them.

Experiencing hardships and discomforts became a joy and comfort as I took part the struggles Jesus faced when He was on earth. However, coming back, everything was still the same, old hardships were still present and the struggle of a comfortable, convenient life with family and old friends became harder. I became too critical and more bitter.

I needed a community to help me re-adjust, a community to be serious with God together, a community to pray against this spiritual warfare, but every one were just too busy. But I understand they wouldn't understand my experiences. However, when I try to reach out for help, they "shrug" (looks like they don't want to be involved in my loss and grief after coming home).

Coming back to my old life was hard.

I came back but God became silent and Satan was winning. Where did I go wrong? Why do I respond with bitterness? Maybe I really am not angry at people, but angry at me. Maybe I am angry at people because I can do nothing much here. People are around for support. People are more concerned with their jobs and enjoying this life with temporary pleasures. While I am convicted of God's Word, broken to obey God's Word.

I became depressed recently. No reminder that God is still here or counsel to "read the Bible everyday," "don't look at the past but forward," "your parents will support you," "no one can help you but you alone" could help me overcome this low state. But when I accidentally came across the song, "Break Every Chain," there is power in the name of Jesus to break every chain, it struck. YES! THERE'S A POWER IN THE NAME OF JESUS TO BREAK EVERY CHAIN. I only needed a reminder of God's grace, of who Jesus is. And THERE'S AN ARMY, RISING UP TO BREAK EVERY CHAIN. God's army conquers against the enemy that binds these chains.

Then I must concentrate on Jesus, not people. Love people. To love people, I must talk to them about Jesus.

"We shouldn't love people in order to share our faith with them. Rather, we share our faith and ourselves with them in order to love them." ~Timothy Keller

Let this be my mission as I am back in my hometown, which I may be called to stay:

• If I am looking for a community that's Christ-centered and mission-minded, then I hope to make one.
• I hope to disciple my brother and his girl friend for they both are looking for deep relationship with God. Bringing them to a church, which can meet their spiritual needs.
• As for my home church, I pray you'd find the gospel a 'joyful burden' to accept and live.
• As for my parents, I pray you'd know the true God.
• I hope to find like-minded people to grow together, learn from each other, and make where we are our mission field.
• I also hope to build relationships, bringing them to places just to spend time together. (need money)

Father, bless this vision. Cast out my bitterness. May the power of Jesus' name break every chain. Amen

Discontent over Present Circumstances

Father, forgive me I am not content in my work, being unfulfilled, bored, and I really don't know what I am doing. Father, I'm being close-minded with my own wants. Forgive me also that I am not content living with my parents. I don't have enough salary to have my own place. If I can have my own place, I no longer have savings to save, I'm not even sure if my salary can also fit for my own needs. Father, I feel imprisoned.

I want more time to study and do my assignments. I want more time to be with people. I just want to be free.

Father forgive me I fail to be content with you and complaining about these things. You have everything I don't have. You can provide for all my needs. Father, save me. Save me from my boring, unfulfilling, low-salary job. Save me from living in my parents' house. Save me from being alone. Father, please save me.

I trust you can change my present situation, but why do I still have to stay here like this? Father, please, I can't take it any longer. Help me. Give me strength. Father, please. Abba!!