When I was in 2nd grade, I started feeling I was an orphan. Ya, I had parents, biological parents, and I lived with them. In 3rd grade, I kept asking my young teen aged aunts, "Am I adopted?"
"No! Of course not. We saw you when you were born. You were so small." "Really?" I asked. "Yes!" was there reply. "If I am not adopted, how come I feel like an orphan?" They didn't know what to answer.
For years, I still thought I was adopted. I was wondering if adoption and being an orphan was a good thing or not, but many more years later, finding out that I really was my parents' child, I hoped that if only I was adopted by another family. That time, I learned that adoption was a good thing. I would even fantasize and stay in that fantasy because I felt safe with a real Mom and Dad.
Growing older and entering puberty, I thought, "God. Who is God? They say He's a Father and He loves me. What kind of Father is He?"
Ya, I received Jesus as my Lord and Savior, I think, in 4th Grade. Went to Sunday School and Bible Studies. Went to church! But I still don't know God.
As I grew older, slowly I began to know who God was. I began to want to know more about Him, more about the Bible. I finished reading the Bible, but I still didn't understand, "Who is God? Who am I?"
Years and years, I was blessed to have biological parents but didn't know God, but my biological father used to read to me Bible stories and pray with me before I went to sleep. Blessed to have "teachers" but failed to help me further understand God and the Bible. Years and years, I grew a longing for the orphans, I could feel their pain and abandonment. Later, I got to experience a true orphan, adopted by some of my friends. He's my favorite kid. I received only one hug from him since he was with us, and I longed to have that hug again. However, began to remember that I too was an orphan.
Now that I am a young adult. I have a Father. I can't see Him, but He sees me. He has been by my side when I was still a wee old. When I was hurt, He was just right there beside me. All those poems and letters I wrote with my little hands and soaked with my big tears, He was reading behind my shoulders. That time when I felt I was an orphan, God was already taking me into His arms, even before I "received Jesus into my life."
But because I can't hear my Father, I can't touch my Father, He sent two of His children to be my spiritual parents, who loved me, taught me His Word, moreover taught me about our Father and told me, "God is our Heavenly Father. God chose you to know Him. He calls you Beloved." It may have taken longer before God brought me my spiritual parents, maybe because He is teaching me more of Him and that people can fail even if they are His children. That He alone is the only Supreme Parent.
God the Father will not leave me nor forsake me, I have been His and I am His alone.
I thank God that He brought me my spiritual parents, but I still pray to God not to take my Mum and Dad, my spiritual parents away, and I pray that Mum and Dad will remain faithful to Him. I do fear that someday God will take away my Mum and Dad, "Father, don't let me have a fight with them and/or our relationship shattered. I'm sorry that sometimes I rely and long more for my Mum and Dad, and less of You. Just don't take them away. Pleease, Father. Still remind me that You alone are my Great Father. Forgive me of my fear, teach me, enable me to trust in you. Please take away my fear."
