I feel guilty staying long at work. I'm not excelling anymore, my learning is shifted from work to "Christianity". That's where my mind is always focused.
I want to have more time involved with people/ministry. I need bigger salary. I'm thinking of starting business already, a business which I can carry wherever I go. I'm thinking of networking business, full-time than part-time. Not this work here and networking business there. I want to have more time with people, and hopefully to read more. Father!
I also don't want to be with computers anymore, it's crippling me. Ya, it's a blessing so I can communicate with others more, but it's not the same traditionally. I thought that if ever I'm in my next venture, away from comfort zone, I want to just write letters than email. Wish I can give up Facebook. But Father, I want a tablet/ebook.
Father, I'm spoiled aren't I? How will I learn if I'm spoiled. Father, I want to change. Please, speak the gospel to me, teach me how to also speak the gospel to myself. Father, help me understand things I need to understand. Help me trust you, Father. Forgive me. I don't want to try my best anymore just to be good because I can never be good and I can't do it. Father, please enable me. I'm idealistic, teach me to keep it cool. Father, help me be at peace in you. Please, Father.
Father, I am also embarrassed that I don't understand your Word and sacrifice. Father, I have things in mind about it, but how come it doesn't reach to my heart? Father forgive me for my hardened heart. I really want to change. Father, please speak to me the gospel. Let me always experience your love and grace. Help me.
I am also remembering my sins from past that still is with me now. Like coveting. When we receive gifts and when I see that others' gift is better than mine or want what they have, I pout. Now, I envy people who have more friends and spend more time and a chat with them more than I do. It's like it's natural to them have gained such friends when it's always an effort on my part. It's like they are more blessed than I do. Father, teach me to see my blessings when I envy and covet. Father, forgive me of my sins. Father, please help me.
